“The Pillars of Power Exchange- Part II”
What is a consideration phase, and a training Phase? Are they the same thing? How do they go hand in hand?
How do you implement these in a blossoming Power exchange?
What are the responsibilities of both the Master and the slave during these periods?
Why do you have consideration and training phrases?
Collar of Consideration - Collars: Who, What and Why
It is basically the getting to know each other stage.
It could be considered equivalent to the “courting” or “dating” stage in the vanilla world.
This is a period of time where the Master/Dominant and slave/submissive should talk and explore needs, wants and desires in a D/s relationship (not only BDSM but vanilla wants, needs and life goals as well).
It is an expression of interest in pursuing a M/s relationship with each other beyond casual play or interactions.
It also gives the signal to other Masters/Dominants that the slave/submissive is “off-limits” because they are pursuing a power dynamic with someone.
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Consideration is often regarded as the first stage of collaring. A D-type in a period of consideration is said to be considering, while the s-type is said to be under consideration.
Consideration is traditionally given toward the beginning of a relationship, usually after thirty to ninety days of interacting with a partner and is offered with serious intent to pursue a long term relationship involving power exchange dynamics and may be accompanied with the consensual bestowing of a collar of consideration on the s-type from the d-type.
BDSMWiki - Consideration
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History of Consideration:
In the past, slaves feel into one of three categories. Either she was owned, unowned, or under consideration. The first two are fairly obvious but the third tends to create some confusion. Thus, I will do my best to explain it while contrasting this concept with what is occurring online now.
We must start with understanding what the BDSM world was like before the world wide web. Year ago, when BDSM was underground, the only way to gain entry was to be "sponsored" in. What this meant is someone had to validate you and basically state that he/she would be responsible for you. Remember, BDSM was an extremely closed world. There were no pretenders to deal with since everyone was real. Gatherings contained only people who were true to the lifestyle. Advertising of these events was not done with much fanfare other than the placing of a one line ad in a local rag publication. Hence we had a situation where everyone who was participating was either a slave or master.
I also uncovered over the years the concept that a slave is never truly unowned. What I mean by this is that she, when not directly owned by someone, was "owned" by the lifestyle. She served in whatever manner she could, wherever she could. There was no option of leaving the lifestyle to go vanilla. Instead, she simply spent time in this state of service until a master took an interest in her.
As you can tell, service is a big part of her makeup. At these gatherings, the slaves served the masters. The protocol was very simple and clear cut. Those who were owned obviously only served their owners but the unowned crowd was responsible to all the masters. Again, the lifestyle owned them. Their service was expected to any master in whatever capacity was required. Now remember, everyone involved was real so her "submission" in the service sense was to someone genuine, not a pretender.
Which brings us to the "under consideration" banner. Where did this fit in? When one caught the attention of a particular master, she was placed under consideration. This meant that she was removed from the service of all masters for the duration that she was assigned this status. During this time period, the master determined if she was going to fit in his house. If it was a multi-slave household, he might need to consider logistics and personalities. On the other hand, if no existing slaves, he would ponder how she fit into his life and issues of compatibility. In other words, it was a form of a courting process.
Once the master made his decision, either she became owned or was placed back into the unowned category and went back to the service of all. The point is that the reason for this designation was to uncover information about how well she would fit into what he was seeking. It was a time period meant to reveal what was unknown to him so that he could make an informed decision. There was no question that he was a master and worthy of her service. At the same time, her being a slave is never questioned.
The "Under Consideration" Game
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Pros and Cons
*Vetting for both Parties
*Ask for references and some personal information, before your meeting. There are Masters that enjoy edge play, and you need to understand all the diversities of the lifestyle.
*Discover your wants, needs and desires
*Being transparent with your partner(s)
*Compatibility of Identifier
*Skills inventory for all parties involved
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Training – Conditioning – Rules – Groundwork/Guidelines
A Master should design their training to mould them into the type of slave you desire. If you wish a sex slave, then teach them those skills. If you require domestic, then train in those skills. A Master trains a slave to fit their needs. They can be trained to have many skills if required.
A Master becomes a slave’s personal trainer. They guide them into their future.
What do I need to train my slave?
You need a dominant personality, good character they can trust and a few foundations skills. A Master must know what they want and be realistic.
*Consistency
*Communication
*Establishing Rules/Rituals
*Expectation and then Follow through
*Negotiation
*Re-evaluation
Obedience
In order for a slave to exhibit proper behaviour and properly serve their Master, a slave must be obedient. It is a mental state of being obedient, compliance with their authority figure (the Master) and being subjected to any restraint or control they may choose for the slave.
Obedience has to be learnt, expanded and practiced in order for them to become an effective slave. It is a state of mind that involves a conscious choice on the slave’s part. They agree to being owned and part of that ownership is them agreeing to be obedient to their Master.
Rewards?
Rewards acknowledge their proper behaviour and reinforces it. Rewards show the slave that the Master is pleased. It is a tangible show of Love And Caring from the Master for a correct action.This is how the Master creates in the slave willingness to please Them. A happy slave will do anything to ensure the happiness of the Master and will avoid actions that disappoint.
Examples:
*allowed to play/orgasm
*a new toy
*allowed to have some free time to do as they wish
*extra Internet time
*later bed time
*allowed candy/sweets
Punishment?
Punishment is correcting misbehaviour. “The severity of the punishment must… be in keeping with the kind of obligation which has been violated” (Simone Weil).
1) Demonstrate to the slave that Master is displeased.
2) Show that the behaviour was unacceptable and their actions have consequences.
3) Provide reinforcement for a change to proper behaviour.
Different types of Training:
Physical Training - positions
Verbal Training – using honorifics
Mental Training - involves things like memorization, keeping a journal, improving concentration skills (i.e., meditation), acquiring new knowledge, improving problem-solving skills
Emotional Training - to help the submissive overcome unhelpful emotions (e.g., fear, guilt,
shame), to control emotional expression by the submissive, to facilitate openness on the part of the submissive and to extinguish things like dishonesty, possessiveness, materialism, jealousy, stubbornness, resistance, brattiness, surliness and egotism.
Practical Skills Training - duties relate to maintaining a dominant’s household. Cooking, cleaning, mending, blackboot
Rituals and Mantras - a ritual may be defined as any formalized action or set of actions, repeated in a specific and structured way. Rituals are processed at the inner self or subconscious level making the practice of rituals a very effective means of shaping a person's beliefs, self-image, thoughts and behavior.
*Rituals have an exactly repeatable structure, basically a script. Repeating the same thing regularly helps it become a habit that sinks deep into the self-conscious.
*Rituals should have a definite purpose, objective or goal. Whether the slave/submissive is aware of it or not, the Master/Dominant should be.
*The most effective rituals have a direct link to specific activities or events.
*Rituals should be simple, using relatively few words and acts.
*Rituals should have a definite beginning and end.
*The number of rituals should be limited. Too many and they become difficult to remember, a burden and limit spontaneity.
Sexual Training - what some people find sexually arousing can be a huge turnoff for others and vice versa:
*Learning to experience increased arousal
*Learning to become sexual in new ways
*Overcoming sexual blocks (e.g., mental, moral, ethical, shame)
*Erotic movement (e.g., erotic dance, striptease, pole dancing)
*Restrictions on masturbation frequency
*Orgasm control/denial
*Overcoming body shame
###Discipline and Correction### – This topic will be brought up later in the year and we can expand more.
Defining the Terms
Discipline - “Training that corrects, moulds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character. Control gained by enforcing obedience or order. A rule or system of rules governing conduct or activity.”
Correction - “The action or an instance of correcting. A bringing into conformity with a standard. Something substituted in place of what is wrong.”
Punishment - “The act of punishing. Imposing a penalty on for a fault, offence, or violation. Inflicting a penalty for the commission of an offence in retribution or retaliation.
Source: Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary
Discipline and correction will cover a fairly broad area in slave/submissive training, including…
*Maintaining stillness
*Accepting restrictions on movement
*Being unobtrusive
*Posture
*Being restrained
*Delaying gratification
*Acceptance of pain
*Accepting punishment in the way dominant requires
Punishment can roughly be divided into two primary categories…
*Corporal punishment
*Non-corporal punishment
Few examples of non-corporal punishments techniques often used include…
*not permitted to play with the Master.
*not permitted to use the dominant’s name (e.g., Master, Mistress).
*not permitted to wear his/her collar.
*not permitted orgasms.
*not permitted to walk upright but must crawl.
*required to stand in a corner.
*is required to write essays on the topic requiring the punishment or may be required to write repetitive sentences (i.e., “I will not whine, pout or behave like a spoiled brat”).
*required to eat or drink from a pet bowl.
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